Modesty in Marriage: A Message for Newlyweds

Congratulations! You’re married! All that chastity has paid off with a beautiful temple wedding. But virtue doesn’t stop at the altar—modesty in all areas continues in marriage.

1. Clothing: Remain modest in respect for your spouse and temple garments. On beach days and date nights, you can still dress attractively without flaunting your sexuality.
2. Bedroom: The Church has no official rules on what is and is not allowed in the bedroom, except for obvious behaviors that break covenants, such as infidelity, pornography, and abuse. However, President Kimball advised, “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it.”¹ When you are unsure of something concerning intimacy, examine your motivation and feelings. Sex should never be dirty, carnal, or worldly and should never objectify your bodies. Pray for guidance from the Holy Ghost in making sexual decisions.
3. Private talk: Couples are encouraged to communicate their sexual needs to each other. And flirting with one another is fun and romantic. However, always talk about the body and intimacy with respect. Avoid distasteful slang, crude humor, and profanity.
4. Public talk: Your sex life is between you, your spouse, and Heavenly Father. If needed, discuss intimacy problems with a  marital therapist, physician, or trusted friend or family member.
5. PDA: Public displays of affection should be appropriate for all witnesses. Save sexual touching and passionate kissing for the bedroom. Show your love in public through romantic gestures, such as holding hands and kissing sweetly.

Remaining modest throughout marriage will not suffocate the flames of passion. On the contrary,  “The greatest passions of marriage lie ahead, to increase over the years through experience and growth. A truth not generally known to newly married couples is that in virtuous marriages passions increase over the years between the couple. . . .  [A]s we, the children of God, develop virtuously within marriage we will discover ever more profound enjoyments of all his creations, including our own emotions, bodies, and spiritual capacities.”²

Challenge: Continue to be modest in all areas throughout your life.

1.      Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 312. (Quoted in the following source.)

2.      “Chapter 6: Mature Intimacy: Courtship and Marriage,” A Parent’s Guide, p. 45.