Brightening My Light

photo from lds.org I recently wrote an article entitled "Five Myths About Female Modesty" for a liberal feminist site. It addressed harmful ways we tell women why they should dress modestly. Since I wrote it for a broad, worldly audience and not an LDS one, some people misunderstood it. I thought this blog would be a better place to express my view from a gospel perspective and share better ways we can teach modesty. [Please remember that as much as I always try to back up my opinions with scriptural references, authoritative quotes, and other legitimate Church resources, these are still only my interpretations and should not be taken as official doctrine.] The first point I made was that we shouldn't teach women that the purpose of dressing modestly is so men won't have inappropriate thoughts. We are only responsible for our own thoughts and actions, not other people's. We are counseled in the Book of Mormon to watch our thoughts ( Mosiah 4:30 ) or they...

illustration by Jay Gatdula I have been on a worldly music diet the past few months in an effort to invite the Spirit into my home and heart--and my children's hearts. I've been listening to hymns and Primary songs on my iPhone and classical stations on iTunes and the radio. I'm currently without my phone, so Sunday I dusted off my old iPod mini and resynced it with only classical, LDS, and kids music. I have heard some new beautiful music that fills my soul and moves me. In fact, I have now even become a fan of opera! Music truly is a heavenly language that has so much power to bless or curse us. The intense emotions I've felt recently while listening to such uplifting songs has reminded me of quotes from my Hymns of the Restoration BYU class (I highly recommend it!): "There is no music in hell, for all good music belongs to heaven. Sweet harmonious sounds give exquisite joy to human beings capable of appreciating music. . . . Every sweet musical sound tha...

fanpop.com My mom told me that at a Young Women's workshop a year or two ago, a leader contrasted Snow White to Tiana from The Princess and the Frog to reveal that Snow White was more in line with Church standards. As a huge fan of  The Princess and the Frog , I was shocked. After reviewing the facts, the only thing Snow White has over Tiana is a more modest princess dress. Otherwise, The Princess and the Frog portrays just as many Church values, as illustrated below: Good Work Ethic Tiana is an honest and hard worker and she saves her money for a purpose. She is very goal driven. Although it is shown mostly through her career, it is evident throughout the whole movie as she tries to become human again. Furthermore, her dream was one shared by her father to bring people together through food, not to climb the social, corporate, or financial ladder, as is usually associated with career-minded individuals. When she does open the restaurant, she and her husband work...

My friend posted on her blog an article about being a single LDS woman . Both ladies made many good points I will not reiterate here. Instead, I would like to discuss the motivation behind these posts: judgment. And judgment applies to all situations, not just to being single. In fact, once one of these women gets married, the judgment won't stop. The next nosy question she will be asked is, "When are you going to have children?" Then, "When are you going to have another child?" Then either, "Why aren't you going to have more?" or "Don't you think you have enough?" Then there will be comments and questions about her parenting choices and so on. Elder Neil L. Andersen shared this example in his October 2011 general conference talk : President J. Scott Dorius of the Peru Lima West Mission told me their story. He said: “Becky and I were married for 25 years without being able to have [or adopt] children. We moved several times...

graphic by Ivan Prole Because we hear the modesty talk at church and related activities, we are well aware of the spiritual blessings of being modest. But there are other subtle ways in which the Lord blesses us for keeping this commandment. Better Skin When you get older you won’t have sun-damaged skin on your chest, shoulders, back, and thighs. Your skin is better protected from the sun’s rays and therefore will not show signs of aging as quickly or as severely as it would if exposed. More Flattering Figure Women who dress to their body types modestly look more flattering. Wearing clothes that fit and cover allows your body to look its best (just watch What Not to Wear for examples). More Outfits With all the t-shirts, camisoles, cardigans, and other layering devices in your wardrobe, you can mix and match to make numerous outfits and easily dress up or down an outfit as well. More Comfort You won’t experience the pain and discomfort from super ...

model of sister-missionary wear on lds.org Some girls take modesty to the extreme and wear circus tents as clothes. Although that is not necessarily bad, they don’t look their best and take pride (the good kind) in the glorious gift of their bodies. Do you make these mistakes as you try to look modest? Dressing like a Nun It is a fact that humans are visual creatures. In the Church we tend to focus on how that can be a bad quality, especially for men. But there is opposition in all things ( 2 Nephi 2:11 ), meaning the quality is good too. We are supposed to appreciate beauty, and hiding it under a tent will make it harder for you to attract a guy, even a righteous one. A man wants to be attracted to his wife, and a woman wants to know her husband finds her beautiful. You can show your beauty and still be modest. Dressing like a Man My patriarchal blessing specifically advises me to dress in a feminine manner. It is important that we look and dress like women. That doe...

We all know that modest dress helps men respect us, but they are not the only ones whose respect we receive. Girls : We girls tend to be haters, especially against immodest women. When you dress modestly, girls will respect you too. Parents : Your parents, and your date's parents, most likely will trust you more when you are modest, because modest dress positively influences behavior. Wives & Mothers : You are more likely to get babysitting jobs when you are dressed modestly. Wives and mothers will trust you because you are dressed for the job, not for their husbands or sons. Teachers : Showing up to class dressed modestly shows that you are there to gain knowledge, and your teachers--both male and female--will take you more seriously and appreciate you not distracting them or other classmates. Employers : In a professional setting, your boss will appreciate your sophisticated modesty as you represent the company, including at casual workplaces. I used to...

One Sunday, my husband was teaching the young men a lesson on preparing for their missions. One young man replied, "I don't need to learn that yet. I have a few years before I go on a mission." Too many youth have that terribly wrong perception. Preparation for a mission--most essentially, the temple--is a lifelong pursuit. It starts at childhood, not the year (or month for most women) before entering the temple. Two Primary songs emphasize this point: While I am in my early years, I'll prepare most carefully, So I can marry in God's temple for eternity. ("Families Can Be Together Forever," Children's Songbook , p. 188) I love to see the temple. I'm going there someday . . . I'll prepare myself while I am young; This is my sacred duty. ("I Love to See the Temple," Children's Songbook , p. 95) "Someday" comes sooner than you think. And it's hard to break years of bad habits and repent of years ...

Submitted by Brother McKnight of the Port Washington Branch in Grafton, WI. Challenge: Live the standards in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.

Congratulations! You’re married! All that chastity has paid off with a beautiful temple wedding. But virtue doesn’t stop at the altar—modesty in all areas continues in marriage. Clothing : Remain modest in respect for your spouse and temple garments. On beach days and date nights, you can still dress attractively without flaunting your sexuality. Bedroom : The Church has no official rules on what is and is not allowed in the bedroom, except for obvious behaviors that break covenants, such as infidelity, pornography, and abuse. However, President Kimball advised, “ If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it.” 1 When you are unsure of something concerning intimacy, examine your motivation and feelings. Sex should never ...

In all the modesty talks, the focus is usually on women, but modesty applies to men too. Extremes : The most obvious immodesty for men is sporting extreme hairdos and offensive clothing and accessories. Modesty is about being moderate and includes not showing off flashy, expensive apparel. Dress your best without being distracting, especially at church or in the temple. Tight Clothing : Tight clothing is just as immodest for men as it is for women! Revealing Clothing : If what you are wearing doesn't cover garments, whether or not you are endowed, then it is immodest. This rule applies to athletic wear as well. Of course some sports require certain clothing that may not allow for garments (such as swimming), but those activities are not excuses to be immodest. Words (spoken or written) : Men are usually the most immodest when it comes to what they say. Repeating crude humor, sharing intimate activities, and using profanity are all inappropriate for a priesthood holder to do. ...

We may think we are dressed modestly when really we aren’t, even if we are following all the written rules. Modesty is just as much about the spirit of the law as it is about the letter of the law. Here are some ways to check for accidental immodesty before heading out the door. Sneaky Skin : You may not realize areas of skin that are showing because you cannot see them. Stand in front of a mirror and bend over in all directions. Check for skin showing on your backside, tummy, and chest. If you can see down your shirt, so can anyone else taller than you. Tight Clothing : Your clothes are too tight if you can’t pinch them, move around comfortably in them, or put them on easily. Glamour : Too much jewelry, heavy makeup, and incredible heel height make you look more like a woman of the world than a woman of the Lord. Modesty means not obsessing over fashion and makeovers or focusing on the “vain imaginations” of the world. 1 The word modesty ...

We’ve all heard the modesty talk so many times, we could recite it in our sleep. And most of us already dress modestly, so it feels like they’re preaching to the choir. But this time it’s not about the clothes—modesty extends beyond fashion to all aspects of your life. Conversation : What we talk about with our friends and significant others is just as important as what we wear. If you have nonmember friends who like to share their sexual conquests, tell them that’s private information you aren’t interested in. When on dates, don’t talk about sexual activities. Men, avoid crude humor and let your friends know it’s not funny to you—sex is an intimate topic. Photos : We all have social media accounts through which we share our everyday lives, vacations, and fun times with the rest of the world. We need to be careful, though, of what photos we take and post of ourselves. When unsure, just ask yourself, “Would I be embarrassed if my bishop saw t...